Update 2011: I wrote this in 2008 and I’m still of the same opinion. Though the new Michael Buble (or Michael Bubble as Hubby likes to say with rolled eyes) is a nice listen replacing Mariah Cary.
Now that it’s after Thanksgiving, I am listening to those 24/7 all “Holiday” song radio stations. Like everyone else, I secretly tap my feet to Dominick the Christmas Donkey (Come on! Admit it!) and, though I am no fan of hers, Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas is You gets me going everytime with that Spector-Wall-of-Sound track.
But there are two holiday songs which make me turn the station or shut off the radio altogether. I will refuse to listen to them even if you offer me ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Runner-up for the Tripe Award for Worst Holiday Song is…
Where Are You Christmas? by Faith Hill
Where are you Christmas
Why can’t I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can’t I hear music play
Christmas is a day, NOT A PERSON. (I could get into the whole Jesus thing but that’s besides the point.) If you can’t find the friggin’ day, Christmas is listed on most calendars. (Hint: look under DECEMBER.) The pure insipidness of this song boggles the mind.
First Place for the Tripe Award for Worst Holiday Song…
Christmas Shoes by Bob Carlisle
Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there’s not much time
You see, she’s been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.
I don’t even know where to begin?!? A poor waif wants to buy shoes for his dying mother. What? So she can wear them in her coffin? How thoughtful. Momma’s dyin’…I’m waitin’ in line at Sears to buy these crappy, made in China shoes. I’m not surprised that a christian group spent FOUR years writing this monstrosity. It reeks of mediocre spiritual…tripe.